The “U” hammered Georgia Tech last night. I was sorry to see that. I turned the TV off in the third quarter and went to bed. Besides not liking the “U” of Miami very much, I am also a big Paul Johnson fan.
Florida kicks off the SEC schedule with a home game vs. Tennessee tomorrow. The Gators were favored by 29 points the last time a looked. I got a call from my stock broker, Steve, who handles my IRA. He is located in Nashville and is a Tennessee grad. Most of the times he calls, we end up talking college football. He was really pretty funny about the point spread. “Well maybe I can turn off the TV half time and get some things done around the house.”
In honor of tomorrow’s game, here is some UT trash-talk. (I didn’t use any of this on poor Steve. He was despondent enough as it was.) By the way, full credit goes to the various fans who contributed these jokes on message boards. Feel free to borrow the material and insert your favorite opponent as appropriate.
Q: What is the most frequent line heard from graduates of Tennessee’s business school?
A: Would you like fries with that?
Q: How do you get a Tennessee grad off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza and tip him well
Q: What do you call a Vol with half a brain
Q: What are the toughest 6 years in a Tennessee students life?
A: 3rd Grade
Q: What’s the difference between a Vol and a dollar bill?
A: You only get three quarters out of a Vol
Tennessee grad was hunting in the woods. He came upon a beautiful woman laying naked in the grass. “Are you game?” He asked. The women said “yes”. So he shot her.
Q: Why do the Tennessee Vol fans wear orange and white?
A: They can wear it to the game on Saturday…They can wear it hunting on Sunday…and they can wear it to work on Monday when they’re picking up garbage during work release!
Q: Why are homicides so difficult to solve in Knoxville?
A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA.
Q: How can you tell if a Tennessee fan is married?
A: There are chewing tobacco stains on both sides of the truck.
Q: What’s one hundred yards long and has six teeth?
A: The front row at Neyland Stadium.
Q: How does someone from Tennessee convert a dishwasher into a snow plow?
A: He hands his wife a shovel.
Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a Tennessee fan?
A: A tattoo